Weekend Garbage

Because there is always something to complain about:

GREAT MOMENTS IN DEAD SILENCE

If you happened to not catch the UGA-Cocks game on television, then you missed out on a bloody assault that could only remotely be considered legitimate broadcasting. Things got started off right with absolute silence coming from Bob Davie and Mark Jones during kickoff, with a total of 60+ seconds of silence. This amount of broadcasting silence occurred at least one additional time in the broadcast.

Was this unprofessional? Potentially. Was it a technical glitch? Possible, except it occurred too many times in the game.

Was it actually a relief to just hear the sounds of the game, rather than a couple imbeciles talk about everything but what's actually happening on the field? MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EJACULATORY AMAZING IT WAS!

I CAN HAS CRAIG AND MIKE SAMMICH!?!

If you know me (which you probably don't), you know that I am no fan of Craig James.

This season, ESPN has decided to torture us by combining the raw and awesome powers of MIKE "Britney Spears" PATRICK and CRAIG JAMES into what has to be the most vicious mindfuck anyone could conjure up to torture college football fans.

They say evil doesn't have a face. They're sooooo wrong.

Hey, you know that Ron Franklin guy? Let's make sure he's on the 10:00a.m. coverage of the All Male Private College Your Grand-Dad Went To vs. The Program That Will Hopefully Still Exist By December.

You thought Thursday night with Jesse Palmer and ol' Craig were bad? Nope, you were wrong about that.

Someone at ESPN is just messing with all of us now, and to them, I'd have to say...touche. You have really upped the ante this time.

TALES OF DEFEAT

Michigan loses to Appy State? That's nothin'! Oklahoma gets beat by Boise and their 1937 Statute of Liberty Play? Such a defeat is for amateurs who know nothing about degrading losses.

To be a real professional in the art of public embarrassment, you have to lose to the smurf turf and a I-AA school in the same season, and you get the MVP if you do it in BACK TO BACK weeks!

Enter Virgina Tech, who recently handed over their man card after being shamed by James Madison University, a former I-AA champion.

Thank the Lawd! for that weak ass ACC, because the Hokey Pokey Dancers are looking at an 0-12 season and the kind of shame that never, ever goes away. Doesn't matter how hard you scrub, it ain't goin' nowhere!

THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US, THE DAKOTAS ARE TAKING OVER

Last Week, North Dakota State (I-AA) defeats Kansas. This week, South Dakota defeats Minnesota. It was only in 2007 that Minnesota lost to North Dakota State. So for Minnesota, this is their second DAKOTA FAIL.

The Dakotas are on the rise and aren't taking your shit anymore, Big 12(?) and 11. They've beaten both of you and are setting their eyes on a 2 for 1 punch.

Mark your calendars now, on September 25 South Dakota State visits Nebraska for what can only be the Jackrabbits rise to the top of the Dakota hierarchy.

These things come in threes, so you better watch out Bo.

You're about to get invaded from the north, by South Dakota State. That's directionally confusing.

WEEKEND GARBAGE

WHY IS USC BAD, BUT EVERYONE ALWAYS FORGETS ABOUT OKLAHOMA?

While I take pleasure in the USC loss, I am befuddled by the across the board reaction from pundits, bloggers, etc. I've heard so much talk about this has somehow "exposed" USC, and that they might not have ever been as good as most thought since dropping a game like this weekend's is a yearly occurrence.

While it is troublesome USC does that typically, I don't think the loss to Washington is as big of a deal as most make it out to be. They have a QB who has never started a game, potential for a down year given player losses to the draft, throw in a better Washington team coached by USC assistants, and you can have an ideal upset. Perhaps the high expectations and just basic realities are finally crossing paths, but losing one game does not diminish what USC is and what Pete Carroll has accomplished.

However, what really pisses me off about this most is that while people are lambasting USC, they completely forget about Oklahoma. Oklahoma also has a habit of consistently losing games to lesser teams. Try TCU, Boise State, BYU, and West Virginia (you could even throw in Oregon, but I don't). Yet, no one's calling them "frauds" like they are USC. In fact, people are making excuses for Oklahoma. Bob Ryan on the Sports Reporters said the BYU game can be considered a mulligan for Oklahoma. What!?! A mulligan? That's complete garbage.

Somehow, I don't think anyone will hold BYU getting thrashed by Florida State against Oklahoma as much as they would for any other team.

Oklahoma continues to be the most overrated team of the decade, and everyone constantly seems to have short memories when it comes to their foul ups.

I have USC's back in this debate, but I still don't mind seeing them lose.

MEYER vs. KIFFIN, COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG vs. NEWBIE DOUCHEBAG

Urban accuses Tennessee of not trying to win, Laney says Floriduh is simply trying to make excuses for a sub par performance.

I say, who cares! Floriduh wins in an ugly manner and their weaknesses are exposed.

Tennessee still loses, and both coaches continue to appear as massive tools.

Sounds like we got everything we could have hoped for out of this game!

POLLS - I THOUGHT WE WENT DOWN WHEN WE WON?

Georgia was ranked #21 in both the AP and Coaches Polls before the South Carolina game. We win that game, and what happens? We drop to #23 in the AP Poll, just as we won our first two games last year and dropped a spot each week. We seem to be the only team that has a habit of winning games and dropping in the polls (oddly enough, the reverse never seems to happen).

Luckily, the AP has now put us back up #21 (the Coaches Poll has us at #17).

Weekend Garbage

GREAT LEAP FORWARD

Knowshon puts Mao to shame. Communism loses, again.

RAMMER JAMMER, YELLOW...WHAH?

The greatest team ever to exist in the first week of college football didn't score an offensive touchdown until the third quarter. It's okay though, they were playing the mighty powerhouse of Tulane. Oh, wait...

LOSING VOTES

Ohio State went from 15 first place votes in last week's AP Poll and 10 first place votes in the USA Today/Coaches Poll, to receiving only 1 first place vote in each poll. This is probably deserved. Almost getting beat by the Bobcats will do that to you.

Last week, we had 20 first place votes in each poll while being knocked down to number 2. This week, we gained 3 more first place votes in the AP Poll, along with USC, Flori-duh and Mizzou benefiting from Ohio State's display of Big 11 dominance.

However, we actually lost 2 first place votes in the Coaches Poll. WTF? What more do we need to do? USC gained 11 more first place votes, and Oklahoma received 1 additional first place vote.

We either lost one vote to Oklahoma and one to USC, or both to USC (LSU, despite not playing, also lost a first place vote). So, we beat Central Michigan 56-17 and we lose at least 1 vote to a team that didn't play.

Well, there's only one explanation for this, and that's ESPN. ESPN did not show the GREAT LEAP FORWARD by Knowshon. Had they showed that, we would have received all first place votes and taken the national championship from Bama.

URBAN CRIER

Please be aware, if you ever pull that garbage again, rather than just running out the clock with less than a minute left in the game, you will end up with players with broken appendages. Potential nfl careers will be jeopardized for your arrogance. The truly sad part is, you wouldn't care. Its sad when MIAMI has more integrity and character than you.

PAC-10 REFS

Pac-10 refs have made an unprecedented move after this weekend of college football. Instead of screwing over teams from other conferences, they are now screwing over their own. Ty Willingham is the first beneficiary of this policy, as if he didn't need anything else going against him.

PITCH AND NOT CATCH

Just pitchin' and ketchin'. Well, that didn't work this time HBC! Your ass has now lost 2 in a row to your former beating horse. Please rank the Dores while it is still possible! Moronic pollsters ranked South Cacalacky after their win over NC State (because they obviously didn't watch the game, no surprise there).

RETURN TO DOMINANCE?

Free Shoes University made their comeback, although to far less fanfare than Bama, against that other powerhouse in the tobacco state, Western Carolina. Wait, who? Oh, that team we also crushed last year. Well, let's wait until next week when they will demolish...UT-Chattanooga. Oh. Well, what's after that? Wake Forest?! Oh, They'll get their ass kicked that game. Nevermind. Continued mediocrity for the forseeable future.


*The picture of Knowshon is from georgiadogs.com

Weekend Garbage

Craig James
You are the king bastard of college football. Your coverage of college football is horrendous. It's amazing that you make John Saunders look respectable. If you were covering Saudi Arabian equestrian tournaments, you would still suck.

During halftime of the Alabama/(the embarrassment that is) Clemson game, ABC and their halftime gang went through the normal routine of showing clips from previous games during the day.

They only showed one clip from the UGA game and that was of Knowshon running in for a touchdown.

All Craig James could find to comment on was that UGA is dumb for risking injury to Knowshon behind our weak offensive line, because after the play it appeared that Knowshon had injured his hamstring (just a cramp)! Nevermind it was his third fucking touchdown. That wouldn't be important information to provide.

Just before the game resumed, Craig did have this funny line to say, "Bama came to a fist fight, while Clemson came to a school dance."

Despite this great line, Craig James still sucks at life.

Why don't you help June Jones out and give his players some of that "motivation" that used to make SMU so great.


Tommy Bowden
See, you had a good thing going. You can't ever finish the job, but you do enough to keep your team's fan base satisfied. They don't notice you are a complete moron and void of any common sense.

Then you decided to not put the ball in the hands of CJ Spiller and James Davis for...pretty much the entire game.

Now they know how dumb you are, and the pitch forks and torches will be outside your bedroom window before November.


Wannstache
Why is this surprising? Can Pitt losing anything really be an upset? I picked Bowling Green, because you never bet on the Wannstache. Anyone who had Pitt in their top 25 is a fool. Don't be hypnotized by the 'stache. I know it's beautiful, but it is never successful.


Techno Music
It's not allowed in football. Ever. North Avenue Trade School goes crazy for it. Clemson was jumping up and down to it Saturday night.

It must be something with engineering schools. I guess you guys want to go all the way with it and never get laid. Dungeons and Dragons? Check. Sausage parties? Check. Techno music? FUCK YEAH!


Blowing it
Damn it, Tennessee. Now, I have to listen to this PAC-10 garbage for eternity because you roll over at the end of the game. It was the 2006 LSU game all over again. A Crompton curse might be real. Now we get to hear, "3rd string PAC-10 QBs can beat your SEC defense."

Now we have to try and defend this dishonoring of our conference when we go to Arizona.