SEC Preview: Sept. 18

Alabama @ Duke
Line: Alabama -24
The defending champs in football. The defending champs in basketball. Unfortunately for the boys from Durham, they’re playin’ with the pigskin on Saturday. And Duke thought it was tough playing Butler in its basketball-crazy hometown of Indy. Coach K, this is what a real rockstar head coach looks like. Roll Tide 41-10.

Clemson @ Auburn
Line: Auburn -7.5
In the words of Lewis Grizzard, Clemson is just Auburn with a lake, and they’ll be seeking some extra hydration as the Plainsmen spread ‘em out and run ‘em. Cam Newton looks for real and Howard’s Rock is coached by a man named Dabo. But baseball great Kyle Parker (why would you ever return to Clemson?) will keep the ACC Tigers close as Auburn wears out its own defense again by either scoring quickly or going three-and-out. Tigers/Plainsmen/War Eagles don’t cover, but push the SEC’s record to 2-0 against the ACC this week. Identity Crisis 30-24.

Miss. State @ LSU
Line: LSU -8
The Bayou Bengals turned away the Western Bulldogs at the goal line last year to avoid cowbells ringing in their ears for 365 days. Jefferson and Lee continue to battle it out for most ineptness as LSU’s quarterback. State is better coached, but LSU is more talented and at home. Mike the Tiger 24-17.

Vanderbilt @ Ole Miss
Line: Ole Miss -12
Ole Miss seeks to run its record to 2-1 in games it’s favored by double digits in. Good luck to Georgia State versus Jacksonville State this week, they’ll need it. But back to the SEC as Robbie Caldwell looks to out motivate Houston Nutt in the respective pre-game locker room speeches. Ultimately though, Ole Miss is in the people-helping bidness, and it’ll pay off as Masoli leads the fightin’ Ackbars to their first home victory. Play Dixie in the Grove Again 23-10.

Florida @ Tennessee
Line: Florida -14
Remember when Tennessee actually kept this game somewhat close? Urban still hasn’t lost to the Vols and he isn’t about to this year. Of course, if Smoky was good this year, speedy Chris Rainey wouldn’t be missing from the team this weekend. It’s not good to be Chris Rainey anymore. But even speedier Jeff Demps will be there flying down the sideline when the Gators need him to be. Florida rights its offense. Blue, Orange 37-14.

Akron @ Kentucky
Line: Kentucky -24.5
The Joker Phillips era continues on its smooth path, and Rich Brooks still approves. Cats 40-16.

Furman @ South Carolina
Line: Furman’s a I-AA School
Damn you, Marcus Lattimore. The Cocks move to 3-0, and buy up tickets to the Georgia Dome for early December that they’ll have to sell in early November.

SEC Preview: Sept. 11

Penn State @ Alabama
Line: Alabama -12
A true freshman quarterback heading into T-town at night to face the defending national champions? No. Bama covers the 12-point spread, wins by 14. Tide 31-17.

UL-Monroe @ Arkansas
Line: Arkansas -34
While the Dawgs travel to Columbia for a tough early SEC East test, the Hawgs get another cupcake in preparation for their trip to Athens Sept. 18. Of course, we all know how difficult UL-Monroe can be (see right). Ryan Mallet and his band of receivers rip apart the former directional Louisiana school, over inflating their self esteem heading into Athens. Arkansas 55-13.

LSU @ Vanderbilt
Line: LSU -10
The Tigers tried their damndest to give North Carolina the game at the Georgia Dome last Saturday night. Seems to be a pattern. Thank God for Nashville, where we can only imagine the pregame discussion between Les Miles and Robbie Caldwell. LSU 27-14.

Ole Miss @ Tulane
Line: Ole Miss -20.5
Umm….
One can only guess that this game was originally scheduled for Oxford, but as punishment, must be played in New Orleans. So much for Admiral Ackbar. I’m just waiting for the Lexington Brothers’ Jacksonville State/Masoli/karma’s-a-bitch song. When was the last time a team lost to Jacksonville State and was favored by more than 20 points the next week? How freakin’ bad is Tulane?!? So bad that Masoli forgets about his plan to escape to Knoxville in an attempt to rejoin his old team. Ole Miss bounces back and actually holds onto a 4th quarter lead in this one, but doesn’t cover. Rebs 35-20.

USF @ Florida
Line: Florida -16
This just in: Florida has fumbled another snap. Tim Tebow would’ve grown a third arm to catch those errant shotgun snaps. But the messiah isn’t there anymore. John Brantley has all the tools to be a great SEC quarterback, but will the Gator faithful allow him to be? I’m sure Meyer has overseen some heart attack-inducing practices this week, and snaps won’t be a problem anymore. Gators get back on track against Skip Holtz’ South Florida Bulls, a typically solid opponent. Boys of Old 41-17.

WKU @ Kentucky
Line: Kentucky -24.5
The Joker Phillips era opened with a nice win over in-state rival Louisville and former Florida DC Charlie Strong. Don’t expect the ‘Cats to be any nicer to another in-state opponent – there’s always basketball recruiting at stake. The transition from Rich Brooks, who approves this message, to Phillips will continue to be a smooth one. Big Blue 38-7.

Oregon @ Tennessee
Line: Oregon -12
The beginning of Derek Dooley’s tenure calmed some nerves in Knoxville with a 50-0 win in Week 1. The Big Orange faithful knows that nothing will suck like one this fall, and they’ve resigned themselves to a rebuilding process as two-thirds of Dooley’s team hadn’t played in Neyland Stadium before last Saturday. Chip Kelley brings his Ducks of Oregon to the checkerboard, and reality on the Volunteer 2010 campaign will set in. The only question here is what shade of green will the Ducks wear. Defending Pac-10 champs 38-14.