Lewis Grizzard Florida Joke

"What do you get when you cross a pig and Florida graduate?"

"Nothing. There's some things even a pig won't do."

- Lewis Grizzard

What would Lewis think about moving the Georgia-Florida game?

I was wondering what Lewis Grizzard might have thought about the current controversy surrounding the location of the Georgia-Florida game when I came across the article below, written in November of 1992. I'm not sure he would have the same opinion today, seeing as the game did go to a home and home during the late 90's and Florida proceeding to hang 50+ on us in Athens.

Dogs vs. Gators - Fear replaces fun

Jacksonville - The universities of Georgia and Florida, both fine schools, need to make an immediate decision to move their annual football game out of this city's Gator Bowl before somebody gets killed. Jacksonville can't handle this thing anymore. No city could. Putting an equal number of Florida and Georgia fans, who absolutely hate each other, together in an 82,000-seat stadium just invites disaster. This isn't the World's Largest Cocktail Party anymore. It's the World's Largest Crazy House. There are about 40,000 Georgia fans and a like number of Florida fans in the Gator Bowl on a Halloween Saturday night, and rival fans often sit near each other. The taunting never stops. Some of it is fun, but most of it is not. This rivalry has become so intense, it's primed for a riot. There already have been brawls. I remember a year when Florida students stormed the field after the game and tried to destroy it. A Georgia student rushed onto the field and tackled a couple of shirtless guys carrying away part of a goal post. Five or six Florida students then beat the kid from Georgia to a pulp. It was just as ugly and just as mean here Saturday night. Maybe worse.

I went to Georgia and I'm biased, but I witnessed behavior Saturday night in the Gator Bowl I'd never seen at a college football game before. When it was over, and Florida had won 26-24, a few of the Florida players strutted arrogantly in front of thousands of Georgia fans, and made obscene gestures. One Gator grabbed his crotch in front of the Georgians. Another gave a pelvic thrust and shouted an obscenity. The players left, but then returned to rub it in further. A man who I presume was a Florida coach finally had the decency to shove the players away. Leaving the stadium, Florida fans barked directly into the faces of Georgia fans. Georgia fans retaliated with explicit instructions on what the Gator fans could do with their victory. And to think people used to wear coats and ties to college football games, and shook hands at game's end. I stood in front of my car with a group 0 fellow Georgia fans for an hour after the game. We were insulted by passing motorists or Gators strolling by about every two minutes. A drunken teenage girl told us to eat something humans don't eat.

It's out of control. And it's no longer fun. Orlando wants the game, but Georgia doesn't want to play the Gators any deeper in Florida. The best idea is to make the series a home-and-home arrangement. That way the visiting team would get only a few tickets and there wouldn't be this 40,000 versus 40,000 situation, and more control could be administered. "I'll never come back here," a Georgia friend told me Sunday morning. "I'd like to get Florida between the hedges in Athens every other year, and when the game's in Gainesville I'll just watch it on TV. In other countries, soccer fans riot and kill one another. Georgia-Florida in the Gator Bowl isn't that yet, but go home-and-home before one Halloween night it becomes a nightmare.

- This article appeared in the AJC in November of 1992. Please check out more of Grizzard's work at http://www.lewisgrizzard.com/.

Merry Chirstmas from Bubba 'N Earl

From everyone here at Bubba 'N Earl Sittin' on the 50, we want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Hopefully we all get copies of Munson's Greatest Calls and Georgia branded grill toppers to brighten what has been a sad time since the loss to NATS. For a good Christmas laugh, here a couple of Christmas-themed Lewis stories to brighten your day.

Bing Won't be Home...

Christmas Moose Smooch

What would Lewis Grizzard have written about Chizik?

With the fiasco that has been Auburn hiring Gene Chizik, you have to wonder what Lewis Grizzard would have thought about the whole situation. In 1980, Grizzard wrote a piece about Doug Barfield who had recently left as Auburn's coach. Auburn was attempting to hire Vince Dooley away from Athens and in all the media mess, Barfield became the forgotten man. It seems like the Auburn boosters were sticking their noses into the football business even back then:

I remember back several weeks ago when the rumors started flying that Barfield would be fired. A man named Charles Smith, a member of the Auburn Board of Trustees, made all sorts of noise about finding a coach who could be tougher on the players than Barfield.

Charles Smith runs a laundry in Montgomery. Can you imagine having some guy who runs a laundry deciding how well you were performing in your chosen profession?

More on Doug Barfield from my friend in Auburn:
“He’s warm. He has more class than he’s ever been given credit for. He’s kind. And under all this pressure and criticism, he was a man of steel.”

While auburn officials offered Dooley the farm this week, Doug Barfield quietly resigned. He said, “I don’t want to be anyplace I’m not wanted.” He also said, “But I don’t feel like I have to hide my face.”

I wouldn’t be a football coach if you gave me the pick of cheerleaders.

Monday, when all the hoopla about Dooley was at its height, Doug Barfield was in Montgomery.

He had been summoned for federal court jury duty. Each prospective juror was asked to stand before the court and give his name, place of residence, and occupation.
Doug Barfield stood and said:
“Doug Barfield.
“Auburn, Alabama.
“Unemployed.”
War Eagle. ***

How many people remember Doug Barfield? Probably about as many people who will one day remember Gene Chizik.

***You can read the rest of this story and others from the 1980 season in "Don't Sit Under the Grits Tree With Anyone Else But Me" by Lewis Grizzard available HERE.

The Difference Between Auburn fans and Georgia's fans: Lewis' take

“I was standing at a urinal between two fellows at a Georgia-Auburn football game once. The Georgia fan, dressed in red and black from head to toe finished his business, zipped his pants, and headed for the door. ‘Hey Bulldog,’ shouted the Auburn fan, ‘don’t they teach you guys at Georgia to wash after using the bathroom?’ ‘No,’ said the Bulldog fan, ‘they teach us not to piss on our hands.’”

- Lewis Grizzard

"The Annual Celebration of the Repeal of Prohibition"

Lewis Grizzard wrote this story following the Georgia victory over the Gators in 1980. The beginning of this story is even more relevant given BulldawgJosh and CMatt's cross country trip from New Orleans to Jacksonville for the game this year. Special thanks to Uncle Dawg for posting this story over at The Anti-Orange Page.

God Is a Bulldog

Jacksonville, Fla. - Dorsey Hill, the world's biggest Bulldog fan, left here Sunday afternoon, bound for Auburn, Alabama, where Georgia's undefeated football team next appears.

"I don't think you can get from Jacksonville to Auburn," I had said to him.

"You can change buses in Waycross and Columbus," Dorsey answered.

"You aren't going home first?"

"Home?" He screamed back. "I haven't worked since Texas A&M, and I haven't slept since Clemson. You expect me to go back home when we play Auburn in only six more days?"

I lost my head, I suppose.

A lot of people lost their heads here Saturday afternoon. Georgia played Florida. Georgia won the game, 26-21. It's a lot more complicated than that, however.

Georgia came into the game ranked second in the nation. To continue to compete for its first Big Banana ever, the national championship, Georgia had to continue its winning streak. Florida ( "bunch of swamp lizards and beach bums," according to Dorsey Hill), wanted to step on Georgia's dream.

Dorsey arrived here Thursday afternoon with thousands of others who made the early departure south from various points in Georgia. Many of those individuals were as drunk as five eyed owls by the time they reached the Florida line.

As local wit Rex Edmondson says, the Georgia-Florida game is the "annual celebration of the repeal of prohibition."

Dorsey waited until Friday to get into his serious pre-game drinking, however.

"I stopped at the New Perry Hotel Thursday for lunch and filled up on collards," he said. "It's hard to drink on a belly full of collards."

Agreed.

Now that I have had time to digest all that did eventually happen in college football Saturday, I think I can say without fear of charges of blasphemy that the whole thing was a religious experience. "Deacon Dan" Magill, the "Baptist Bulldog," read a prayer to the Georgia faithful in which he beseeched the Almighty to help the Bulldogs "smite the Florida Philistines."

Then there was the game itself. Georgia behind 21-20, ninety-three yards away, time running out.

"We need a miracle!" screamed Dorsey Hill, now fortified with more than collards.

Georgia got its miracle. Buck Belue to Lindsay Scott, for ninety-three yards and the winning touchdown with only seconds remaining.

If that wasn't enough, there was the astounding news from Atlanta. Georgia Tech had tied No.1 Notre Dame. Surely, Georgia will be ranked first in America when the ratings are released.

"A tie was a gift from Heaven," said Dorsey. "Notre Dame gets knocked out of number one but Tech doesn't get a win. God is a Bulldog."

Verily.

I must make one confession here. I did it, and I must suffer the consequences.

I gave up at Jacksonville Saturday afternoon. Florida had the ball. Florida had the lead. There was only three minutes to play. I left the stadium. I was in the street when the miracle came.

"You are a gutless disgrace," Dorsey Hill said to me later.

He detailed my punishment: "We're going to a tattoo parlor in this very town tonight," he began. "And you're going to have '26' tattooed on one of your cheeks in red. And you're going to have '21' tattooed in black on the other cheek. I don't want you to forget what you did."

I won't, but which cheeks is between me and the tattooist.

--Lewis Grizzard

Larry Munson: Better Than Being There

The gang at B'NE thought there wasn't a better tribute to Larry Munson than the one Lewis Grizzard gave him from the 1978 Kentucky game during the Wonder Dawgs season. None of us were alive then, but we wish were. And what Georgia fan hasn't heard this call over and over again...

Larry (before the kick): Rex Robinson from Marietta, Georgia...Oh God, I spoke with Robinson's folks in the lobby of the hotel today...

From Kathy Sue Loudermilk, I Love You; 1979 (Lewis Grizzard)
Larry Munson: Better Than Being There

Sometime in the wee hours of Sunday morning, my telephone rang. Even the ring sounded drunk. Among a number of other bad things, alcohol in large quantities dulls the ability of the user to tell time.

I muttered a groggy, hesitant, "Hello?"

"Gooooooo Daaaawgs!" was the reply from the other end. Deliver me from Billy Bulldog when it's the middle of the night, Georgia won, and the whisky hasn't run out.

"That you, Dorsey?" I asked. It had to be. It had to be Dorsey Hill, the world's biggest Bulldog fan. Dorsey Hill thinks when you die you go to Vince Dooley's house. He can't wait.

Last year, when Georgia lost to Kentucky, 33-0, Dorsey claimed it didn't count because Kentucky was on probation for recruiting violations and had too many players from New Jersey.

"Best team money could buy," is how he described the victorious Wildcats, who went on to tie for the Southeastern Conference title. Dorsey dies hard.

I was awake enough by now to realize why the telephone call. Only hours before, Georgia had avenged last season's loss to Kentucky with a thrilling 17-16 victory in Lexington. The Bulldogs had trailed 16-0 in the third quarter.

"I never gave up," Dorsey said. "After the miracle at Grant Field Saturday, I knew the Lord would give us one, too."

He was referring to Georgia Tech's equally thrilling 17-13 defeat of Florida Saturday afternoon. Dorsey doesn't like Georgia Tech or anyone else who does.

"I like it when we sweep a double-header," he explains. "That's when Georgia wins and Tech loses."

I have never quite understood that thinking, but there are those among the Georgia Tech followers who feel the same about the Bulldogs.

"I wouldn't pull for Georgia," a Tech man once told me, "with one engine out on the team plane."

I thought Saturday was one of the grandest days in Georgia collegiate football history. Tech wins its sixth straight and Grant Field hasn't been that full of life in years.

That old house on North Avenue literally trembled with delight when Eddie Lee Ivery scored the Yellow Jackets' winning touchdown.

And Georgia's drive to the Rex Robinson field goal in the final moments was a classic profile in sporting courage. Georgia is only two victories - Florida and Auburn - away from another SEC championship and a trip to the Sugar Bowl. That is astounding when you consider that in the pre-season, the Bulldogs bore a strong resemblance to Vanderbilt.

I am almost frightened to consider the ramifications of a Falcons' victory over the Rams Monday night at the stadium. If the clinkers win, close the schools and banks and I demand a parade.

There was one other hero Saturday besides the Eddie Lee Iverys, the Willie McClendons, and the Rex Robinsons. He is a fiftyish fellow from Minnesota.

He worked in Wyoming for a time, and then spent years and years in Nashville. He moved to Atlanta only a few months ago, but he is one of us now.

"The traffic here," he says, "is murder."

Larry Munson has been broadcasting Georgia football games for thirteen years. Saturday night was his finest hour. His description of the closing moments of the Georgia-Kentucky game, said a man listening with me, "is Bobby Thomson's home run against the Dodgers all over again."

It was so good, the Sunday paper reprinted Munson's call of the winning Georgia field goal word-for-word.

"It's set down, it looks good - watch it! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Three seconds left! Rex Robinson put 'em ahead, 17-16!"

It was so good, Dorsey Hill said, "listening to Larry Munson was better than being there."

Frame that one, Larry. There is no higher praise.

--Lewis Grizzard

I Suppose You Work on a Laptop Computer: A Tribute to Lewis Grizzard

"Bubba 'N Earl Sittin' on the 50" is a new blog focusing on the daily news and follies that come out of the college football world, the SEC and the University of Georgia football program. It is a tribute to those topics as well as to the late Lewis Grizzard, famed humorist and avid Georgia football fan, who attended the University of Georgia at the same time as my mother did.

I grew up in an SEC family. Both sides. My mother, who grew up in Athens, graduated from Georgia and my father graduated from Auburn. Uncles, aunts and cousins pull for Georgia, Auburn, Alabama and Tennessee. But, anyone be damned who pulls for Florida. We don't have that; we have standards.

Like many of the contributors to this blog, I grew up in Georgia and graduated from the University of Georgia. I attended many Georgia-Auburn games growing up, whether it be contested Between the Hedges or on the Plains. And I will admit that before attending UGA, I was on the dark side of the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. But, thank God I saw the light before it was too late.

But, whether you're a Georgia fan, an Auburn fan, an Alabama fan or a Tennessee fan, you can appreciate the musings of Lewis Grizzard. Whether its "Shoot Low Boys - They're Riding Shetland Ponies," which contributor Streit will agree with when auctioning off pygmied goats in Cartersville, Georgia (more to come later), or "If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground," Grizzard's autobiography, if you grew up in Georgia, you grew up on Grizzard.

"Bubba 'N Earl" takes it name from the most infamous Grizzard story regarding Georgia football and its "authentic" fans.

As most of you know, Grizzard is so beloved in Georgia that Atlanta's Creative Loafing, in its "Best of Atlanta" issues, created two seperate awards, "Best Columnist" and "Best Columnist Besides Lewis Grizzard."

The youngest executive sports editor ever at the Atlanta Journal at age 23, Grizzard's most relevant quote on life was, "Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes." At his peak, he was syndicated in 450 newspapers.

Unfortunately, his life was cut too short in 1994 from a congenital heart defect. Grizzard: "There are three little leaflets that control the flow of blood to the heart. I was born with only two of those leaflets. It was just after the Great War, so there may have been a shortage. Either that or my daddy didn't get a good toe-hold."

Grizzard didn't care at all for computers, preferring typewriters instead. People would say to him, I suppose you work on a laptop computer. He would say no, and that when he wrote, he liked to hear some noise.

Today, many Grizzard stories are swapped via computers, emails and blogs. I wonder what Lewis would think about blogs. "Bubba 'N Earl" will strive to represent Georgia football, the SEC and the college football world the way Grizzard would have appreciated it, from a Southern perspective.

Some of his ashes were sprinkled on the 50-yard-line of Sanford Stadium when he passed. And if Bubba and Earl are still sittin' on the 50 today, then Lewis is right there with them.