Friday, November 27, 2009

Things To Say To Nerds on Saturday

In case you need to brush up on your vocabulary for tomorrow, here are some things you can say to all the nerds you come across. By no means is this an all encompassing list. Add your own in the comments section.

Things to call the "fans"



-Trade schoolers



-Geek Squad

-Nerd Troopers (or Storm Troopers)

Things to call the school

-North Avenue Trade School

-Joke by Coke

-Auburn by the ghetto

-The Varsity's back lot

-United Nations gone wrong

Phrases to say

-"So, where can I find the Reggie Ball statue?"

-" Were you the engineers than put together that parking deck that collapsed over on 5th Street?"

-"I need to go to some parties. Can you point me towards Georgia State? Oh, you have parties here? I want to go to ones that will have women."

-"So, exactly what color is that you are wearing? Mustard?"

-"Wow! You guys went to the Emerald Nuts Bowl? Good thing you have these signs up in here letting everyone know your great accomplishments."

-"It's so great to be here at the Joke by Coke/North Avenue Trade School/any other derogatory name."

-"Beat the rush, HATE Tech early."

-"Excuse me, which way are all the women? Oh, I gotta go off campus."

-"45-42? Oh, you know what's so great about the number 45? In the last 45 years, you've only beaten UGA 12 times. Suck it."


-"Fake, retroactive national championships don't count. You've only won two."

-"You left the SEC, you didn't deserve to come back. You're welcome."

-"No, I do not want to attend your robot club meeting. There's a football game about to start."

-"I'm a ramblin' wreck from Georgia Tech, and I'm a CRAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!"

-"It doesn't matter what you do or do not accomplish, we will always be better at life."

-"You spent your entire time at Tech wishing you had gone to Georgia."

What It Means To Be A Nerd

I meant to be bashing the North Avenue Trade School all week. However, since my laptop crashed on Tuesday, my access to the interwebs has been vastly limited.

Still, there needs to be some discussion (and reminding), of exactly why you need to Hate the Trade School, and why you are better for not being a part of their terrible existence.

To be a Trade School nerd is a hard thing to fathom for most people, but we figured we would try to give a shot at reminding everyone what they're all about.

The life of a old gold nerd is as follows:

1) Interactions with the female gender are few and far between

Ever since the Trade School took over the dorms that formerly belonged to Georgia State, the amount of females in the short radius around the Trade School campus decreased by 600%.

The upside is that reported peeping tom and rufie incidents decreased at almost the same percentage.

It is a sad existence as a male Trade School student, and a scary one as a female.

2) The robot club meetings are the most popular events on campus

Seriously, it is bigger than football, basketball, badminton, nerds watching Urban Meyer's daughter sit on the bench during volleyball games, and the World of Warcraft club meetings combined.

Religion means nothing at the Trade School when compared to the robot club. Nothing.

3) Dragon*Con is Christmas part deux

Think about the biggest event in Athens outside of football season. It is probably the Twilight Criterion, right? 40,000 people flock to Athens for a weekend of cycling races, music, sports, and imbibing massive amounts of alcohol while traffic in downtown is shut down. In other words, it's a dream come true for any human being that enjoys fun.

For the Trade School, you got a comic book, live action role playing, sci-fi fest. Wow.

The best thing about Dragon*Con is sneaking into the after parties (if you can call them that) and stealing the nerds' beer while simultaneously making fun of them.

At the biggest event for nerds, we still find a way to ruin it for them and have more fun at it.

4) Indecisiveness runs rampant

An annoyance for centuries. The official colors are old gold and white. The bumble bee mascot is yellow. Half the stuff that fans can buy is piss yellow, the other half is various shades of gold.

Last season, the football team couldn't decide if they were wearing mustard or gold.

The entire fan base is a walking color contradiction.

They had to do a white out, because attempting a "gold out" would end up being an"old gold/gold/mustard/yellow/sunburst/tangerine out."

5) Inferiority is the name of the game

Nerds have a built in inferiority complex in relation to UGA, it's fans, and in general.

They hate their classes, their lack of women, and the lack of anything that resembles fun coming in contact with their school.

In order to make up for their lame existence, they have to steal band members and cheerleaders from other schools.

No matter their success, they will accept being talked down to by Georgia fans, even if they beat us. In the high likelihood we lose Saturday, just try it. They will be completely unable to back up their smack talk, and will quiver at your presence.

They have a bumble bee mascot, so it is difficult to have a live animal serving as a mascot. How do a bunch of engineers make up for this? By having a car as a mascot. A car. A motorized vehicle. You consider an automoble as your mascot and you want to talk shit to other schools? No wonder you have problems with women.

You can't sell out your football season ticket packages, and a self-described biggest conference game of the year (see here and here). Talk to me when your fan base decides to reach the big boy level.

Enough said.

As you walk through the Trade School campus on Saturday, just remember these points and you'll know why the life of a Trade School nerd is failure of humanity.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Unsubstantiated, Undocumented, and Unconfirmed Rumors On Willie Martinez

While driving out of Atlanta yesterday, I was listening to the Rude Awakening on 680 The Bland when they did a news alert saying they had unconfirmed reports that Willie Martinez was going to resign this coming Sunday. While they did not name Willie or UGA outright, any moron that's even passing through the State of Georgia knew what they were talking about.

My main problem is that if this was unconfirmed, as they admitted, and they don't even want to mention the person's name because it is unconfirmed, then why in the hell are they bringing it up!?! This is exactly why talk radio and journalism do not necessarily go hand in hand.

Personally, I'm with Rex Robinson on this topic. I don't think Willie is going anywhere and that it is better for us to accept that fact as soon as possible.

Profiles In Hate: Arizona State-Arizona

In honor of Hate Week, I figured I'd do what I can to highlight some other in-state rivalries.

Our buddies in the Moustache Nation sent me these pictures of what they do when the find Arizona paraphernalia in other towns.

Very impressive. Love the determination to never hold back the Hate.

Good luck to the Sun Devils against the Kitty Cats of Tucson.

Go Dawgs.

Happy Day Of The Turkey

Aubie, America's most versatile mascot, would like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of Turkey day, here is a Lewis Grizzard classic about how he spent one particular Thanksgiving:

Thanks For The Memory by Lewis Grizzard

It was three years ago, or maybe it was two. Thanksgivings come and Thanksgivings go. I overslept and missed the family gathering at my uncle's house out in the country. Country folks like to eat early, and like I said, I overslept.

B.A. called about 1 in the afternoon. He was down in Savannah, alone.
"Had lunch yet?" I asked him.
"I was just going to pick up a hamburger," he answered.
"No Thanksgiving feast?"
"No. I had some work to catch up on and couldn't get to Montgomery to my mother's. What are you doing?"
"No plans," I said.
"Catch a plane," B.A. said. "The Hyatt bar is open even if nothing else is."

I was at the Savannah airport three hours later. We never made it to the Hyatt bar. We stopped instead at a little beer joint just outside the airport. Silent men playing pool. There were a couple of pool tables inside and young men wearing hats with the names of various heavy equipment companies sewn on them were playing. Cigarettes dangled from their mouths. They were silent and expressionless. One got the idea heavy stakes were involved.

A few old men sat around the bar drinking beer. A man and a woman worked behind the bar. There was a jukebox playing country music. "Keep your mouth shut," B.A. said, "and we'll probably be OK."

Probably. We had a few beers and played a few tunes of our own. Nobody had spoken to us until a graybeard sitting a few stools down looked up from his can of Budweiser and asked, "Y'all ain't from around here, are you?" We said we weren't.
"Y'all going to stay for supper?" the man went on.
"Stay for what?" I asked.
"Supper," he said. "We have it here every year on Thanksgiving. It's mostly for the regulars who don't have nowhere else to go, but I'm sure nobody would mi nd if y'all stayed." We didn't say yes. But we didn't say no, either. Lining up for the feast

A half hour later, the door to the joint opened and in walked five or six ladies bearing plates of food. Lots of food. They set up a table near the jukebox. Turkey and dressing. A ham. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Green beans. Butterbeans. Creamed corn. Homemade rolls. There were also cakes and pies. The customers put down their beers and cuesticks. They lined up, plates in hand, for the feast in front of them.

"Y'all more than welcome to eat," said the woman behind the bar. We got in line. The food was wonderful. We went back twice.
"You do this every year, huh?" I asked one of the ladies that brought the food.
"They's lots of people don't have nowhere to go on Thanksgiving," she said. "Some of 'em come in here to drink 'cause it ain't as lonely as staying home. We all live in the neighborhood, and we just try to share what we got with others."

We stayed until 9 or 10. We tried to pay extra for the food, but nobody would take our money. Thanksgivings come and Thanksgivings go and, occasionally, one comes along that is very special.

*** Check out this and other Lewis Grizzard stories at

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

How Can Georgia Beat Tech?

Let's face Dawg fans, no one is really giving us much of a chance of defeating our in-state rivals this year. Georgia is 6-5 is coming off a loss to Kentucky while Tech is 10-1 and getting ready to play for its conference championship. After blowing a sizable lead at halftime last year, most people expect Tech to put Georgia away early this year. If the Bulldogs hope to win on Saturday, here are a couple of things I think they must do:

1. Run the football. - Tech's option attack is known to eat up the clock. The more time Georgia's defense is on the field, the more likely they are to get tired and give up the big play. The only way to counter is run the football as well. If Georgia can keep the time of possession battle close, they should be able to keep the score close as well.

2. Don't throw the ball deep so much - If there is one thing Joe Cox has done fairly well this year, it is throwing the deep pass. The biggest issue is that it has often been on first or second down, leaving Georgia in a third and long hole. They need to mix in some slants and crossing patterns early in the game. If the Tech safeties begin to bite, then they should open up the deep pass.

3. Make solid tackles - The biggest reason Georgia lost last season was missed tackles. Tech's offense is going to get yards, but keeping runs to 5 yard as opposed to 8 can be the difference in the game.

4. Try and kick the ball off deep - Directional kicks, squib kicks, and short kicks are not working. If a guy is going to get a kick off return for touchdown, at least make him earn it.

5. Play "smart" football - By this I mean don't panic and throw the game plan out the window if we get down early. If Tech takes a lead, we need to continue to try and run the ball to set up the pass. Getting away from the plan can only lead to the one thing that has killed Georgia all year long, turnovers.

It will be an uphill battle for the Dawgs to win at Grant Field this Saturday. I hope the coaching staff prepares better for this game than they did for Kentucky.


Monday, November 23, 2009

BNE Pick 'Em Week 12

Well, I'm back after a week off to bring you the ups and downs for the BNE Pick 'Em. Was it me, or was there not a lot going on in football this weekend?

First up, the most exciting game of the weekend had to be LSU vs. Ole Miss. I mean seriously, what didn't this game have? Defense, offense, special teams, heroes, zeros, and surprises galore. I have to nominate Jordan Jefferson and the LSU coaching staff for the Boneheads of the Year award after the final 4 minutes of the game. After a recovered onside kick, going for it all on 4th and 26, completing a hail mary pass just 7 yards short of the goal line with 1 second left, what does LSU do? Rush on their kicking unit all ready to go on the sideline? Try a gutsy dump pass into the end zone? The ol' Statue of Liberty trickeration? No, no my friend, Les and Jefferson are much too crafty for anything so simple. They decide that spiking the ball will fool everyone and leave them with exactly one second to run a...oh, wait...yeah...1-1 leaves me with...OH CRAP!


Almost as surprising as the game was the fact that most everyone picked that game correctly! The only other truly exciting game was Oregon and Arizona going down to the wire in OT, with the Ducks setting up a defacto Pac-10 championship game this weekend in the Civil War with Oregon State. I keep telling you, the Ducks are for real.

Jeremiah Masoli ain't pretty, but he makes sure the Ducks win

Pretty much everything besides these two games was kind of a let down from the rest of the season. Bama and Florida bullied two weaker schools in Chattanooga and FIU respectively. Tennessee failed to cover the spread...again! Meechigan lost like everyone expected and Arkansas kept the fireworks going with a win over Mississippi State. But, the biggest let down was the Kentucky vs. UGA game...

Penalties + turnovers + bad coaching = 6-5

So with the unpleasantness over with, let's see where we stand going into rivalry weekend:

1. shelt320 & dawgsman81
3. Dutch
4. DawgDai
5. yedidawg
6. bulldog91
7. Gen. Stoopangle
8. BFR
9. OneHairyDawg
10. Donald Eason

From the BNE Staff:
1. BFR 
2. Earl
3. aumaverick
4. bubba
5. Streit
6. bulldawgjosh

And now for our Bottom Feeder of the Week, sponsored by
It looks as though someone only recently joined our Pick 'Em judging by his 0-10 record and 0 points. So ruling that out, it looks like our old pal mmike032 is still sitting fat, dumb and happy at the bottom of the feeding trough. 41-91 and 236 overall, but tied for #5 this week (along with 24 others).
mmike032, keep at it and you just might climb out in time for the end of the season. I suggest some of the studying techniques from our sponsor, for tips on how to bone up on this weekend's matchups. Tips like studying, having a plan, organizing, knowing who is actually playing and remembering to enter your picks. When all else fails though, there's always adderall.

So this is it for the regular season. Its rivalry weekend! Florida vs. FSU, UNC vs. NC State, Texas vs. Texas A&M, UGA vs. GaTech, and of course the Iron Bowl between Bama and Auburn. Hate your brother, hate your neighbor, heck you might even hate your wife this week! Whatever you do, whoever you hate, remember its only for one day...every other day is just plain disgust.



It Shall be declared that the official Week of Hate shall be opened after the day of Sabbath on the last week of November, and that Hatin' shall henceforth commence through the last hour of the last Saturday in November. Upon the rise of sun the following morning, the Week of Hate shall officially close, but let it be known that the Hate shall never fade for the next year in the hearts of those that truly Hate.

In other words, The week of Clean Old-Fashioned Hate has begun.

Begin your week appropriately by Hatin' some Tech.

Go Dawgs!


We get a chance to get some revenge this week against NATS for the season ending loss last season. Coach Richt should borrow a few lines from Coach Harris in "Revenge of the Nerds" in motivating the team this week:

"Well, if I was you, I'd do something about it. I would get up and redeem myself in the eyes of my father, my maker, and my coach! "

I hate Georgia Tech. I hate Florida more, but Tech is definitely more annoying. At least Florida fans can talk smack because they have pretty much owned us for the last 20 years. Tech fans, on the other hand, make one win seem like they have won every game this decade. The last time Tech was favored to beat us, look what happened:

To salvage this season, the Dawgs need to show up on Saturday. They need to show up not hoping to win, but expecting to win. Tech is a very good team and the outlook is not good, but stranger things have happened.
To hell with Georgia Tech!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Thoughts on Kentucky: Epic Fail Part Two

6-5. 5 losses. Since I started at the University of Georgia in 2000, that is something I have never heard in relation to the Georgia Bulldogs football team. Every thing that has been talked about as an issue this season reared its ugly little head on Saturday night. On a night where you out gain the opponent nearly two yards to one and you hold the ball for significantly more time, you should never expect to lose.

First a couple of birght spots:

- Orson Charles and Rontavious Wooten had their best games at Georgia. The play action was working great in the first half, where the hell did it go in the second?

- Running the ball with King and Ealey continues to be successful. A dash of Branden Smith is a nice change too.

- Rennie Curran's stop of Randall Cobb on second and goal from the 1. An amazing play, even if Kentcuky did score on the next snap.

Okay, that's for the good. Now onto the bad.

- Joe and Bryan. Hope you enjoyed your years at Georgia. You may have had some talent, but you cost us more than helped us. I wish you the best in the future, but I am glad I will nto have to see you play at Sanford again.

- The fumble by Washaun was bad, but who calls a freaking toss sweep on third and goal from the 1?!?!? I miss Brannen Southerland.

- Branden Smith is fast, but not ready to get killed on kick-offs. If Boykin can't go, at least put someone out there who we know can hold the ball.

- Which leads into the major problem with the game - Coaching. Worse coaching effort I have seen at Georgia. Let's count the mistakes:
1. What the hell was the deal with kickoffs? Squib kicks, pooch kicks, and bad coverage. We need a full time special teams coach now.
2. The blocked punt - Yes, we ended up getting to punt again, but the guy who blocked it was totally open. I said to my wife before the ball was snapped that the kick was going to get blocked.
3. Why did the running game disappear in the second half? We had nearly 150 yards rushing by half, but only 30 or so in the second. Caleb and Washaun were running well but Cox was pretty inaccurate. I just don't get it.
4. The play action worked great in the first half and it also suddenly disappeared in the second.
5. Two trips inside the opponents 2 = 3 points. The first time, on a second and 1 from the 2 (we could have got a first down!) they call play action when Ealey could have easily ran it in. And then there was the toss sweep at the end. Bobo, this is on you.

I could go on for a lot longer, but I won't. The coaching was pathetic and changes need to be made. We all know what is coming next week. At this point, I am just ready for the season to be over.