Friday, November 27, 2009

What It Means To Be A Nerd

I meant to be bashing the North Avenue Trade School all week. However, since my laptop crashed on Tuesday, my access to the interwebs has been vastly limited.

Still, there needs to be some discussion (and reminding), of exactly why you need to Hate the Trade School, and why you are better for not being a part of their terrible existence.

To be a Trade School nerd is a hard thing to fathom for most people, but we figured we would try to give a shot at reminding everyone what they're all about.

The life of a old gold nerd is as follows:

1) Interactions with the female gender are few and far between

Ever since the Trade School took over the dorms that formerly belonged to Georgia State, the amount of females in the short radius around the Trade School campus decreased by 600%.

The upside is that reported peeping tom and rufie incidents decreased at almost the same percentage.

It is a sad existence as a male Trade School student, and a scary one as a female.

2) The robot club meetings are the most popular events on campus

Seriously, it is bigger than football, basketball, badminton, nerds watching Urban Meyer's daughter sit on the bench during volleyball games, and the World of Warcraft club meetings combined.

Religion means nothing at the Trade School when compared to the robot club. Nothing.

3) Dragon*Con is Christmas part deux

Think about the biggest event in Athens outside of football season. It is probably the Twilight Criterion, right? 40,000 people flock to Athens for a weekend of cycling races, music, sports, and imbibing massive amounts of alcohol while traffic in downtown is shut down. In other words, it's a dream come true for any human being that enjoys fun.

For the Trade School, you got a comic book, live action role playing, sci-fi fest. Wow.

The best thing about Dragon*Con is sneaking into the after parties (if you can call them that) and stealing the nerds' beer while simultaneously making fun of them.

At the biggest event for nerds, we still find a way to ruin it for them and have more fun at it.

4) Indecisiveness runs rampant

An annoyance for centuries. The official colors are old gold and white. The bumble bee mascot is yellow. Half the stuff that fans can buy is piss yellow, the other half is various shades of gold.

Last season, the football team couldn't decide if they were wearing mustard or gold.

The entire fan base is a walking color contradiction.

They had to do a white out, because attempting a "gold out" would end up being an"old gold/gold/mustard/yellow/sunburst/tangerine out."

5) Inferiority is the name of the game

Nerds have a built in inferiority complex in relation to UGA, it's fans, and in general.

They hate their classes, their lack of women, and the lack of anything that resembles fun coming in contact with their school.

In order to make up for their lame existence, they have to steal band members and cheerleaders from other schools.

No matter their success, they will accept being talked down to by Georgia fans, even if they beat us. In the high likelihood we lose Saturday, just try it. They will be completely unable to back up their smack talk, and will quiver at your presence.

They have a bumble bee mascot, so it is difficult to have a live animal serving as a mascot. How do a bunch of engineers make up for this? By having a car as a mascot. A car. A motorized vehicle. You consider an automoble as your mascot and you want to talk shit to other schools? No wonder you have problems with women.

You can't sell out your football season ticket packages, and a self-described biggest conference game of the year (see here and here). Talk to me when your fan base decides to reach the big boy level.

Enough said.

As you walk through the Trade School campus on Saturday, just remember these points and you'll know why the life of a Trade School nerd is failure of humanity.


Bulldog in Exile said...

"Talk to me when your fan base decides to reach the big boy level."

Couldn't have said it better.

Chris said...

Don't forget, it also means hiring a dating doctor to help out all the students.