5 Things You May or May Not Have Known About Columbia & South Cacalacky

1. It's in the middle of the state. Carolinians decided that the best way to protect their capital was to make it as inconvenient as possible from anything else. You are hours away from anything you could consider cool or fun. Upon it's formation and declaration as capital of the state, it was seen as a great advantage to be located in the center of the state. Well, not so much anymore! Buyers remorse was universally felt almost immediately.

2. Most of the city was destroyed by fires set by Sherman during the Civil War. That never gets talked about much outside South Carolina. Why? Because no one was sad to see it burned to the ground. In fact, many rejoiced! Others thought, "Why re-build? We can move to Charleston!"

3. It wasn't until the early 1900's that Columbia finally had a paved street. Since then, they now have three. Congrats.

4. The construction of Williams-Brice Stadium was partially funded with federal dollars by the Works Progress Administration during the New Deal Era. Yes, we can blame the gubmint (you a sum bitch, FDR) for the monstrosity that is the home of the cocks. Guess that gubmint planning might explain why it's in the middle of a warehouse district.

5. The unofficial nickname of Williams-Brice is the "cockpit." Really? Is this true? A pit of cocks? I can't even make fun of that, it makes fun of itself so much.

It's just like my first trip to Columbia when the crowd chanted, "Who let the cocks out?!"

Or the fact that their mascot, Cocky, makes a grand entrance before the game by coming out of his "magic box" (their words, not mine). There's about 75 potential jokes in that one sentence.

Do you people know what you're saying? Maybe that's your defense mechanism. You say utterly ridiculous phrases that are so humorous already, that our brains become frozen as if we were simultaneously having a million ice cream headaches, and thus we are unable to further mock you.

He's not exactly Burt Reynolds, but something special in his own right.