Weekend Garbage

Because there is always something to complain about:

GREAT MOMENTS IN DEAD SILENCE

If you happened to not catch the UGA-Cocks game on television, then you missed out on a bloody assault that could only remotely be considered legitimate broadcasting. Things got started off right with absolute silence coming from Bob Davie and Mark Jones during kickoff, with a total of 60+ seconds of silence. This amount of broadcasting silence occurred at least one additional time in the broadcast.

Was this unprofessional? Potentially. Was it a technical glitch? Possible, except it occurred too many times in the game.

Was it actually a relief to just hear the sounds of the game, rather than a couple imbeciles talk about everything but what's actually happening on the field? MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EJACULATORY AMAZING IT WAS!

I CAN HAS CRAIG AND MIKE SAMMICH!?!

If you know me (which you probably don't), you know that I am no fan of Craig James.

This season, ESPN has decided to torture us by combining the raw and awesome powers of MIKE "Britney Spears" PATRICK and CRAIG JAMES into what has to be the most vicious mindfuck anyone could conjure up to torture college football fans.

They say evil doesn't have a face. They're sooooo wrong.

Hey, you know that Ron Franklin guy? Let's make sure he's on the 10:00a.m. coverage of the All Male Private College Your Grand-Dad Went To vs. The Program That Will Hopefully Still Exist By December.

You thought Thursday night with Jesse Palmer and ol' Craig were bad? Nope, you were wrong about that.

Someone at ESPN is just messing with all of us now, and to them, I'd have to say...touche. You have really upped the ante this time.

TALES OF DEFEAT

Michigan loses to Appy State? That's nothin'! Oklahoma gets beat by Boise and their 1937 Statute of Liberty Play? Such a defeat is for amateurs who know nothing about degrading losses.

To be a real professional in the art of public embarrassment, you have to lose to the smurf turf and a I-AA school in the same season, and you get the MVP if you do it in BACK TO BACK weeks!

Enter Virgina Tech, who recently handed over their man card after being shamed by James Madison University, a former I-AA champion.

Thank the Lawd! for that weak ass ACC, because the Hokey Pokey Dancers are looking at an 0-12 season and the kind of shame that never, ever goes away. Doesn't matter how hard you scrub, it ain't goin' nowhere!

THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US, THE DAKOTAS ARE TAKING OVER

Last Week, North Dakota State (I-AA) defeats Kansas. This week, South Dakota defeats Minnesota. It was only in 2007 that Minnesota lost to North Dakota State. So for Minnesota, this is their second DAKOTA FAIL.

The Dakotas are on the rise and aren't taking your shit anymore, Big 12(?) and 11. They've beaten both of you and are setting their eyes on a 2 for 1 punch.

Mark your calendars now, on September 25 South Dakota State visits Nebraska for what can only be the Jackrabbits rise to the top of the Dakota hierarchy.

These things come in threes, so you better watch out Bo.

You're about to get invaded from the north, by South Dakota State. That's directionally confusing.

Scott Van Pelt Reaffirms His Greatness

Immediately after coverage of the Smurf Turf vs. Hokies games was over, Sportscenter comes on and obviously the Monday Night (College) Football game is the lead story.

So, what is the first thing Scott Van Pelt mentions? The score? Boise again notching a last minute victory? The, OMG BOIZE IS SOOO GUUUUD!!!? NATIONAL CHAMPS ON THE WAY!?!?!

No, he mentions the Dawgs thumpin' of Boise State in 2005.

Boo-yah.

Thank you SVP, for continuing to show your love for the Red and Black.

Man Crush? That's an understatement.

ESPN Highlights 3-D and Hatin' Gators

Despite the fact that the words "Florida" and "Awesome" would never be in the same sentence coming out of mouth of a real Georgia fan, the new commercial from ESPN including Hairy Dawg is still hilarious. Only if a negative connotation were attached to it, such as "Isn't it awesome how much Florida sucks at life," would this be truly realistic.

Mad props to Hairy Dawg for representin' and slamming that remote to the ground and not taking that shit. That is more than appropriate behavior, it is downright respectful! He could have easily punch the dude in the face or knocked over the TV as he marched out of that living room.

If you haven't watched ESPN in the last several weeks (I wouldn't blame you considering FAVREGATE 2010: WHAT WILL HE DO!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! dominating their coverage), here's the commerical:

Colin Cowherd in Atlanta for LSU-Georgia

Colin Cowherd is broadcasting his show from Buffalo Wild Wings in Buckhead today. Doesn't seem to be as a large attendance like I've seen at his past visits to other cities (or at least a more interesting crowd, like when he was in Austin the day before Texas-Texas Tech).

This is probably because 1) regular folk like ourselves have this thing called work (even if I am doing it from home right now), and 2) if you are traveling here to preview the LSU vs. UGA game, perhaps you should go to Athens where the game is being played.

I'm sure logistics are easier to handle in Atlanta, and around lunch the crowd might just explode given the location, but there is no way Atlanta can suffice for Athens.

Imagine having the background of his show full of drunk undergrads before noon, particularly some co-eds in their best sundresses.

Just saying.

UPDATE: It is way more packed now at his show, but I still maintain it would be much better in Athens.

HERSCHEL WALKER ON ESPN FIRST TAKE

Jay Crawford just interviewed Herschel Walker on ESPN First Take about why he is going to start fighting MMA.

Herschel was wearing a god awful looking t-shirt that all MMA fighters wear.

Crawford asked Herschel if he is serious about dooing this. I know he has to be a douchebag sports host and ask such questions, but it's nearly an insult to even ask such a question. It's downrigt annoying.

This isn't Jose Canseco, this is HERSCHEL WALKER. He's serious about everything. Whether it's football, business ventures, or putting Steve Spurrier in his place, Herschel doesn't take anything lightly and is pretty damn successful at almost everything.

Dana White, UFC President, apparently isn't happy with a 47 year old Herschel Walker taking up the sport at his age.

I'm not an MMA fan, but I presume White's frustration is his attempts to legitimize this sport in the mainstream and not have it seen as a circus sideshow (besides a rival signing Herschel). I can understand that frustration when other celebrities and amateurs are jumping into the sport.

However, if you are going to have a well known person come into this sport without any prior relation to it, and wish for them to respect the sport and everyone in it, Herschel is the exact person you would want.

Lee Corso Can't Pronounce Mallett

Below is the segment from College Game Day this past Saturday, discussing the Georgia - Arkansas game. Corso and Herbstreit picked Georgia to lose. Desmond Howard, on the other hand, picked the Dawgs to win because he thought that no matter what happened Mark Richt and the Dawgs would find a way to win. Watching Gameday over the last few years, I really have started to like some of the insight that Howard brings to the table. Corso's views are often out dated and I think it is time to replace him with someone who knows more about the game today than how it was when he was coaching. I think it is about time for Howard to take over Corso's spot and show goes back to three analysts. In the clip below, pay close attention to Corso mispronouncing Ryan Mallett's name. At about the 2:25 mark, Herbstreit corrects him and Corso just goes silent.

(Update: After reading some comments, it appears some people feel I may have been "insensitive" to the fact that Lee Corso had a stroke earlier this year. That is not the case. I have felt that Corso's insight have been outdated for a while and I feel like Howard brings more to the table. I just thought that Corso's reaction to Herbstreit correcting him was funny because he just went silent.)

Apparently we shouldn't even play this season...

... and just crown Florida champions. At least that is what the Mark Schlabach of ESPN seems to think.

I know Florida is going to be good, but to make statements like these is ridiculous:

"The Gators are going to win the SEC East in 2009. And it's not even going to be close.
It's up to the Gators to determine how difficult it's going to be. "

and

"The SEC East is nothing more than a formality for Florida. The Gators are going to end up where they start the season -- on top of the division. "

This is the SEC, where one slip up can cost you a division title and we all know that being the best team does not automatically make you the champion. (See the Where's the Hardware posts by Bubba and Earl for further proof.)

ESPN's 50 States in 50 Days

College Football Live on ESPN has been running a series where they visit each state as we count down to the beginning of the 2009 season. For each state they run a poll of the best team in the state's history. For the state of Georgia, the two leaders are the 1980 Georgia team (47%) and the 1952 Georgia Tech team (39%).

A second poll currently has Vince Dooley leading Bobby Dodd as the best coach in the state's history (34% to 32%).

If you have a minute today, take the time to head over and vote for the 1980 Dawgs and Vince Dooley here. We don't want to give the Techmites another thing to gloat about.

Thanks to reader Twilb Dawg for the suggestion.

ESPN Announcers Still Suck

During the broadcast of last night's Braves-Phillies season opener, Atlanta Braves rookie centerfield Jordan Schafer became only the 99th player in Major League history to hit a homerun in his first big league at-bat. For Braves fans and writers, Schafer has been on the radar for the last few years, considered by many to be one of the top prospects in baseball. That being said, you would think that ESPN's signature baseball telecast, Sunday Night Baseball, would be able to get his name right.

Well, you thought wrong. The reason why they could not get his name right was Mr. "I am the only person who can say Wilson Betemit's name right" Jon Miller. Twice in a matter of minutes, Miller referred to Schafer as "Logan Schafer". Then, he did it again a few innings later. Not that his esteemed colleagues, Joe "I'm in the hall of fame with a .270 average" Morgan and former Mets GM, Steve Phillips, would correct him.

Maybe after Schafer wins the Rookie of the Year, they will actually get it right.

Something to Pass the Time This Off Season

Football season is over, March Madness is yet to start, and baseball season is still a month away. How is the sports fanatics like me going to pass the time? The answer is ESPN's new game, Streak for the Cash.

We have often spoken about the things we dislike about ESPN, but this new game is not one of them. I was turned on to it by a couple of co-workers and it has become a common topic of discussion in the office. Here is how the game works:

- You create an entry with the goal of creating a winning streak of correctly picking between two possible outcomes of a sporting event.
- Each day, there is a list of events listed on the web site. You can only pick one at a time, so there are advantages to picking the random soccer game in Europe at 10:00 AM Eastern time so that you can pick a winner of the night's NBA game.
- The scenarios are presented in a number of different sports with a number of different types of outcomes. Some are straight up winners (pick the winner of Atlanta vs. New York in the NBA), players stats (who will score more points: LeBron James on Kobe Bryant), as well as over/under type numbers (will there be more than 3 goals scored in a hockey game).
- To win the contest, you must create a streak of 27 consecutive correct picks. The winner gets $1 million. This is second time ESPN has done this (the first time, you had to get to 25 to win). They also award monthly prizes of $2,500 for the person with most correct guesses overall.

The longest current streak on their scored board is 18. My current streak stands at 2 (I just started yesterday). Check it out!

ESPN Streak for the Cash

***UPDATE: I have created a BNE group. Search for "Bubba 'N Earl". The password is: godawgs

Small Reaction to "ESPN's Bowl Mania"

I wanted to post these thoughts in the comments section of Streit's post below, but I thought that my rant was a little too wordy for the comments. Our readers may find that it's too wordy for the blog in general, just as the rest of the BNE crew usually tell me that I'm too long-winded, but...sorry. I have made considerable progress in condensing the length of my blog entries since my first post back at the beginning of the season. The following comes from an e-mail exchange between Streit and myself this morning:

"I tried to watch the show during the Sunday Night Football commercials last night but the needle on my in-home obnoxious meter never even twitched to indicate it would dip below 'OBSCENE.' I noticed that it did present a lower reading when I changed the channel back to SNF on NBC, but the lingering effects of Bob Costas on Football Night in America coupled with the fact that I bet big money on the Giants who were anemically incapable of scoring points kept the meter at a higher reading than I anticipated. At least the fluctuation let me know that the meter wasn’t broken.
I stopped watching the Bowl Mania show with about six or seven of Jesse’s picks remaining. All of them were in the top quarter of his highest confidence rankings and I knew he would never pick a MSU upset with that high a confidence rating. I was sure he would pick the Dawgs and rank them highly, but I am surprised to hear he put them as his number one pick.

Last year we had an office pool for the bowl picks and I chose Florida over a terrible Michigan team with a lame-duck coach as my number one confidence pick. Like I’ve always said, I will always, always root against Florida, no matter who they’re playing, even if I’m going to lose money. Most of you were at my house to watch that game, so you remember what happened. Also, you’ve probably never seen me so happy to lose so much money, unless you were in NOLA for Streit’s bachelor party and you happened to be sitting close enough to me at Déjà Vu to clearly see the expression on my face through the thick clouds of smoke and vaporized VD during the two and a half hours I spent 'conversing' with the nice lady who sat on my lap."

I just thought I should share my thoughts since I've been completely snowed-under with work and school lately and I haven't been nearly as active with my posting as I had hoped to be. My contributions to the blog at this point have been limited to a few sporadic posts which are quickly overtaken by some of BNE's regularly scheduled content, comedic additions to a few of the comments sections on other contributors' posts, and most largely, grammatical editing duties once the entries are posted to the public. Now, let it not be said that I haven't contributed!

Be sure to post your comments to Streit's post with your thoughts about UGA being Palmer's most confident selection out of this season's bowl slate. In the comment section of this post, go ahead and tell me how much you enjoy my writing, how much you wish I would post more, how much you value the grammatical integrity of pieces posted to the internet and the importance of proper grammar and spelling in the world today, etc. Or--take the opposite approach on all of those topics...

ESPN's Bowl Mania Show

Last night the evil empire that is The Worldwide Leader ran a show called "ESPN's Bowl Mania." They advertised the show by saying that were going to preview all 34 bowl games, however they ended up only talking about approximately 10 games and just picked winners for the rest (despite the show being on for 3 hours). The only true predictions were provided by Jesse Palmer, who had a board showing each of his picks ranked by confidence. Out of all of the games he ranked, who do you think he picked as the team he was most confident would win?

No, not Alabama over Utah (which I would have picked) or even his beloved Gators over Oklahoma. No, Jesse picked Georgia to beat Michigan State as the pick in which he held the most confidence. He said he thought we were going to destroy Michigan State in what will be a NFL showcase game for Stafford and Moreno. While I think we will win, I do not think this game will be an absolute blowout.

Any thoughts?

Bubba Says...

Kirk Herbstreit, you are a tool and for no other reason than I said so.

Yes, you do in fact wear too much self tanner and we know, you played QB at the Ohio State University.

Just so everyone remembers, you were not very good:

Yes, that nice Michigan man fell on you and it probably had something to do with the fact that he also thought you were a tool. Perhaps he was jealous that you were the 1988 Ohio High School Player of the Year for football and couldn't handle your greatness. I don't know.

Bubba doesn't have all of the answers, but he does know that you are a tool.

*This article was in no way meant to offend or harm the feelings of his toolness, Kirk Herbstreit.

Mark Richt on ESPN First Take

This morning on ESPN First Take, I happened to catch Michael Kim’s interview with Mark Richt.

Here’s a synopsis of the questions and answers (both are paraphrased), as well as my reactions in parentheses:

Kim: What is different about Vandy this year, as opposed their previous teams?

Richt: Their team speed and physicality have improved and even dominated in their games this year. Part of it is also the past misconceptions about Vandy being weak and unable to compete in the SEC.

(No one, except on occasion Florida, ever clobbers Vandy. This year they just happen to be living up to some of their usual potential. However, Vandy reverted to their typical nature by losing to Miss St.)


Kim: What are your thoughts on Mackenzie Adams starting at QB?

Richt: He is a QB with great confidence, passing ability, and a great ability to run and move quickly down the field. Typically, with a QB like him it allows our coverages to become simpler because of his tendancy towards running, but his additional great passing ability will make this a challenge for us.

(Please say hello to my friend, Rennie Curran.)


Kim: How much are you concerned about injuries and depth at your different positions?

R: If we keep losing left tackles, we won’t make it through the season (laughs). We’re on our fourth left tackle, we’ve lost Sturdivant and Vance, and Clint Boling will be there this week. As long as we stay healthy, we’ve got a chance.

(FYI, we have open tryouts to fill out the depth chart at left tackle.)


Kim: Stafford and Moreno rarely get big stats because of the multiple threats of your offense. What would you say to Heisman voters to sway them to vote for one of them?

Richt: Richt essentially said we have a balanced offense between Stafford, Moreno, Green, Massaquoi, and how they each allow for the other to make big plays.

(You could tell Richt wanted to say, “Because they’re awesome. Period. What is this bullshit you’re insinuating about them?!” But, Richt is much more level headed and is not, well…me.)


Kim: Earlier this season you called out ESPN for not showing Knowshon’s hurdle. Since then, we haven’t stopped playing it. Where do you rank it out of all the plays you’ve seen?

Richt: It’s probably tied for first with another time he did it in practice. (Richt then described how Knowshon once did the same thing in practice, but it sounded even more impressive than the hurdle in the Central Michigan game).

(You morons better not stop playing that hurdle, either.)


Kim; Does Knowshon going airborne ever make your heart stop?

Richt: No, it is really more of a wow sensation.

(Damn right.)


After the commercial break, Dennis Franchione all but said Vandy will upset us. (I don’t even know how to say it…who cares what Franchione thinks?!)

Dana Jacobson said she’d like to see the upset, just so Skip Bayless will be a little happier. (Well, isn’t that convenient. How about you stop talking about every sports team in the State of Michigan, because they all blow right now.)

The Apocalypse Was Upon Us...

I just saw Skip Bayless and the 2 Live Stews on ESPN's 1st and 10. Skip Bayless just commented that, without any games being played as of yet, he thinks that UGA is the best team in the nation. What do you do when you vigorously hate someone so much, but you have to agree with them? You have no idea how to react. The expression on your face and the confusion you feel is to similar to when you wake up on your porch, not knowing exactly what happened.

Fortunately, Bayless just brought the universe back to alignment by saying our schedule was too difficult, and Ohio State would win the national title. He also stated his love for Gaytersville. I don't think I've ever been this happy for a pundit to fall in line with the status quo. Please, continue making the same statements as everyone else! You're doubt is what keeps me sane.

Props to Ryan Stewart (one half of the 2 Live Stews) for picking USC to go to the title game and lose to whichever SEC team makes it. You may be a Techie, but you speak the truth. Suck a nut, PAC-10.