Missouri to the SEC: A Hookup That Never Should Happen

The more Missouri insider information that slowly leaks out about Missouri's desperate courtship for SEC entry (unless the Big 10 calls), the more their statement of "explor[ing] options of conference affiliation" resembles the 1 AM drunken college scramble to find someone, anyone, to go home with other than the Big 12.

Brady Deaton to the SEC: "So, you're telling me there's a chance..."

In an exploratory study leaked from Missouri's governing board analyzing the school's SEC "options," beyond the potential $12 million per year additional funds Mizzou projects in joining the best damn conference in the land, "Missouri would not suffer a dramatic loss in academic prestige with an SEC move."

Are you serious? Was this report written dripping with understatement and irony, in Crayons, or just simply by a bunch of incompetents? As even the most partisan of websites, mizzou2sec.com, outlines in its factual argument, you have to go through 6 schools in the SEC (and only 2 Big 12 members), based on US News & World Report rankings before stumbling upon the Columbia Tigers. Maybe us SEC folks ain't too good at math, but even I end up using two hands to count that one out. Missouri would probably sell themselves to the next conference a-callin' twice as fast if they could even sniff the academic prestige of Auburn.

All I have to say is thank God there are some current SEC schools standing firm against adding another bunch of Tigers (and another Columbia) to the SEC. (And I'll spontaneously combust before someone convinces me that Dr. Michael Adams stands on the 'con' side of this argument).

I don't care how anyone slices and dices a map with lines, there's a cultural, moral and traditions divide that will never be bridged if Missouri joins the SEC. The SEC is kind of a big deal and not used to picking up the conference scraps for a simple short-term fling. It's nothing personal Missouri, really; we just aren't big fans of condescending, underachieving Midwesterners who wear t-shirts to football games.

Don't worry Missouri, don't keep desperately wanting; I'm sure the B1G will be around in a few minutes...