Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Good, The Bad & The Fugly of the Vandebilt Commodores

Vanderbilt is an A+ #1 institution of higher edumahkasion. Vandy is light years more tolerable than similar academic oriented institutions, such as Emory University (imagine a Georgia Tech party, except everyone’s a snob from Connecticut that wishes they could be hipsters; load, cock and blow your brains out). Yet, Vandy is more similar to other snobby private schools, such as Rice and Wake Forest, because sports are actually emphasized as a part of campus culture. This just further proves how an appropriate sports program will make the difference in the perception of your school among us sports first, academics second, institutions.

Given their educational prowess as the only private institution in the SEC, Vanderbilt has been able to churn out an impressive list of alumni. Here’s just a small sample.

The Good - Fred Thompson

A graduate of Vanderbilt Law School, he’s your senator, president, district attorney, and secretary of everything. Fred Thompson was going to be president, but decided sitting at home with his smoking hot milf of a wife was a better idea. I believe Fred Thompson also killed Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, and Jonas Blaine all at once.

The Bad - Bill Campbell

Mr. Corruption and the former Mayor of Atlanta learned the art itself in the capital of Tennessee while attending Vanderbilt as an undergrad. A triple major at the school, he should’ve gotten the fourth degree, Bachelors in How Not To Get Caught Evading Taxes. Minors were also offered in Not Being Bribed, How To Avoid Racketeering, and Not Taking Love Escapades To Other Cities.

The Fugly – Skip Bayless
The most hated man on ESPN (which is no small feat) was a commodore. Given his smugness, he should have gone to Emory (only if they had any real sports teams). What Bayless lacks in common sense and cold hard facts, he makes up for in just absolute and complete blind homerism for certain individuals. Bayless thinks Jay Cutler is the greatest quarterback ever and he would defend Brett Favre if he was slaughtering kittens while eating fresh baby duck soup.

However, his homerism is weak for institutions and groups that demand loyalty. He won’t pick Vandy for the sake of it (but Jay Cutler will win 17 Super Bowls), and he even claims the SEC is NOT the best conference in college football (sellout). No one’s asking you to be Lou “King of Homerism” Holtz, but throw some love towards the alma mater.

Your inconsistent homerism is just another reason Troy Aikman is just waiting to beat you down.

Kudos to you, Commodore University, on churning out such great leaders, some disappointments, and some real McAssholes.


Mackalicious said...

Lets not forget Fred Thompson is also Big John, our favorite NASCAR track owner from Days of Thunder.

BulldawgJosh said...

I forgot about that one. Good call.